Worse night for mommy

On Thursday night...u were giving mommy the hardest night for the first time. U slept soundly in mommy's arm when it was bedtime but once mommy put u down..u were awake. Then mommy carried u up again and u slept again in my arm but again when I put u down. ..again u awake. ..something like it jie jie...it lasted from 12am till almost 2 am.  Mommy was tired and losing my patience. You started cranky but u just couldn't sleep. Mommy tried patting...humming...dancing...pacify in u using my breast but u suck n pull..suck n pull...mommy shaked harder n harder...getting more n more angry. ..started handling u more rough. For the first time...mommy is angry at you...until 3.15am...mommy couldn't take it...brought u down to kakak but the minute u reached downstairs. ..u were quiet...so I put u in bouncing net and u were playing by urself until 4am.  Then u make noise again....mommy then brought u up...and u refused to sleep again. Imagine from 12am till 4am..mommy is exhausted getting very impatience n angry. Put in bb cot n on the musical mobile for u. U played till 4.15am..finally u were tired and mommy carried and shake u to sleep. Around 4.45am. .u finally fell asleep.  Put u down and mommy were fast asleep too. But not long
.u woke up n started crying again...mommy looked at the clock. .it was just 5.15am. U just slept that maybe 30mins. Mommy carried n shake u very hard but u kept crying. Finally mommy brought u down to kakak and let kakak handle u. Mommy came upstairs feeling so upset and tired. Mommy cried....

U fell asleep fast on kakak arm and half hour later...brought u up n u sleep from then. Mommy knew that u might not be feeling too well that's why u couldn't sleep that night. But mommy just couldn't think properly after so many hours of making u sleep.  Mommy felt so helpless..mommy cannot wake daddy up coz daddy has work the next day.mmoreover u never wanted daddy. So no point waking him up.

For the first time..mommy felt so angry at u. Sorry annabel if mommy made u feel uncomfortable that night. Sorry if mommy has treated u so rough that night...sorry if mommy has said or thought something nasty about u. Mommy was just too tired. Mommy loves u very much. OK?